The Vegas Virgin

Everyone who has been to Las Vegas has been a Vegas Virgin. You can spot a Vegas Virgin immediately. They are the ones who get off the plane and immediately complain about the heat. (Yeah, but its a DRY heat!). They have that "look", slack jawed, wide eyed and are raring to go.

You see them walking the strip in 110 degree heat. There's the middle aged tourists: The women are armed with a fanny pack and a shopping bag full of 5 for $10 tee shirts. The men have a camera dangling from their neck, sandals on with socks and their face is beet red from the heat. Both have indigestion from too many buffets. How long can they walk? How far will they walk? Where are they going? Why are they walking when they can take a taxi or the Deuce?

There's the younger party crowd, who headed to Vegas for action. The girls are scantily dressed, wearing flip flops, designer sunglasses and a toting a beer. Her male escort has on a college t shirt, khaki shorts and is carrying a 3 foot drink in one hand, a beer in the other. Both are talking on cell phones trying to make plans for the evening. Clubbing, perhaps?

Then there are the roving gangs of loud college guys, drinking, gambling and running in a pack. They are feeding off each other, ogling girls and acting obnoxious. Here's a tip guys, the hot girl you are checking out may NOT be a girl. Its Vegas, Baby!

On the plane home, they are disheveled, exhausted, hung over, sunburned and look like something the cat hocked up. They've got on sunglasses and ball hats, trying to shield their eyes. We know what you've been up to, we can smell the alcohol.

The moral of the story, SLOW DOWN. You can't do it all. Its supposed to be a fun vacation. No one with half a brain bakes at the pool in July's triple digit heat without sunscreen or walks the strip for hours on end in that heat. No one drinks from sun up to sun up just because they can without feeling like total crap for days after they return home. And no one eats and eats and eats at a buffet because they want to get their money's worth. But a Vegas Virgin tries..and pays for it. Because once you've lost your Vegas virginity, you'll go back to Las Vegas with your brain engaged. Sure, you'll drink, eat, walk, hang out at the pool, gamble, stay out all night and party. But you'll do it in moderation. And it will be WAY more fun.